Detailed Analysis & Feedback – Test 05 (Bar Chart)

• Strengths:
  • ✔️ The answer provides a clear and explicit overview in the introduction, which is a crucial requirement for Band 7 and above.
  • ✔️ Key features are logically grouped: younger groups vs. older groups, with emphasis on the steady downward trend.
  • ✔️ Numerical data is reported accurately and concisely without overloading the text with unnecessary repetition.
  • ✔️ Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and academic: terms such as "inverse relationship," "proportion," "engagement" demonstrate lexical resource.
  • ✔️ The answer includes a concise conclusion, summarizing the main trend effectively.
• Weaknesses:
  • ❌ Sentence structures are correct but lack variety. Most are compound or simple complex sentences; very few advanced structures such as conditional or concessive clauses are used.
  • ❌ Cohesive devices are somewhat repetitive (while, as, whereas). More diversity would raise coherence and cohesion.
  • ❌ Limited analytical depth. The response mainly describes data but does not suggest reasons, implications, or significance of trends, which could demonstrate higher-level thinking.
  • ❌ Some opportunities for direct comparisons (e.g., “twice as many young adults as seniors”) are missed.
• Stronger Vocabulary & Synonyms:
  • "declined steadily" → "dropped consistently," "diminished progressively," "waned gradually"
  • "the lowest rate" → "the smallest proportion," "the minimal share," "the least engagement"
  • "the most dramatic difference" → "the sharpest disparity," "the most striking contrast"
  • "maintained an active lifestyle" → "sustained regular exercise," "remained consistently active"
  • "inverse relationship" → "negative correlation," "contrasting trend"
• Suggestions for Improvement:
  • 🔹 Expand sentence structures: Use conditional and concessive clauses. Example: “Had older adults participated at the same pace as younger groups, the overall figures would have been considerably higher.”
  • 🔹 Provide more explicit comparisons: e.g., “The proportion of active young adults was almost double that of the oldest group.”
  • 🔹 Add implications: Show higher-level thinking, such as “This decline suggests that lifestyle, work commitments, or health limitations increasingly restrict physical activity with age.”
  • 🔹 Vary linking devices: Instead of repeating “while” or “although,” use “in contrast, conversely, nevertheless, notwithstanding.”
  • 🔹 Enrich the conclusion: Move beyond summarizing to interpret: “The chart highlights not only a generational divide in activity levels but also potential challenges for public health policy.”
• Band Justification:

  The response fully addresses the task by describing key trends and making comparisons, meeting the criteria for Task Achievement at Band 7.5–8. Coherence and cohesion are clear but limited by repetitive connectors. Lexical resource is strong, but could be expanded further with high-level academic terms. Grammar is accurate overall, but lacks complex variety. With greater syntactic flexibility, richer vocabulary, and deeper analysis of implications, this answer could comfortably achieve Band 8.5–9.